by Janet Wahlquist
When we talk about training our children to obey, there is a sometimes neglected key: Attentiveness. This involves teaching the child to heed us. If you are calling out orders and wonder why no one obeys, as I do so often, the problem may be lack of training. Obedience involves hearing and heeding.
When we require that they must stop what they are doing, look at us, acknowledge that they have heard (Yes Ma'am), and repeat the instruction, we are building a spirit of listening and yielding into our children. I have often purposed to achieve obedience in my children, repeating this definition to myself: "Obedience is cheerful, prompt, no answers back, and thorough." Yet how is this achieved? Rather than becoming frustrated and provoked by our children, we must seek to build in them a hearing heart. I have neglected this many times, and then the tension mounts in the home. I know the standard. I am striving for it, but the behavior of the children throws a wrench into the works.
Here is the scenario: "Billy, set the table." Billy is playing legos. "Billy set the table," with a firmer tone and maybe a few more times. Finally Billy mumbles, "I didn't hear you, Mom." He goes to the kitchen. Ten minutes later you arrive in the kitchen and Billy is catching flies to give to the pet frog. The table is not set. This may be a case of simple rebellion. Chastisement may be in line here, but it also may be failure to teach attentiveness.
The definition of "heed" (samar) is: "to keep watch, to mind, to regard with care, to take notice of, to attend, to observe. It is often preceded by the word, "give." "Therefore we ought to give the more earnest heed." (Heb 2) It has in the definition "seriousness, a steady look." This to me is how we can help our children. We can require that they look at us and then keep their eyes focused on us as we are speaking. As they practice stopping everything else and focusing on our instruction, obedience becomes much less difficult for them.
Here is our example again. Billy has been instructed to stop and look at the parent if his name is called. They have done drills, and impromptu testing of this skill. "Billy," Mom calls. Billy stops playing legos and looks at his mother. He answers, "Yes, Ma'am" and waits, still looking at her face. "Please set the table." "Yes, Ma'am." He goes to the kitchen and gets out the silverware. If there is a breakdown somewhere with this pattern, it may be that discipline is needed at that point. However, some children merely need an extra step. After giving a command, we may need to ask them to repeat back to us what we are asking them to do. This trains them to fix in their minds what is being asked of them. God wants all of us to develop a yielded, heeding heart.
"Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word." (Psa 119:9) "Take heed, and be quiet; fear not," (Isa 7:4) "…and he hearkened diligently with much heed:" (Isa 21:7)
Children are admonished over and over in Proverbs to "hear" (sama) which is closely related to "heed." It means in Hebrew, "to hear diligently, to listen, to obey." It seems that the first part of obedience is hearing with attentiveness. Here are some verses to look up: Pr 1:5, 1:8 4:1, 4:10, 5:7, 8:6, 8:33, 19:20, 27, 22:17, 23:19. "Attend" is found in Proverbs also. It means: to listen, to pay attention, to give heed, to hearken diligently (Pr 4:1 4:20, 5:1, 7:24). How we all need to become more in tune with our Lord and with each other. We can give our children a head start by training the discipline of listening.
As we provoke each other to love and good works this month, let us not neglect one of the keys to unlock obedience: Attentiveness training.
