by Elisha Ann Wahlquist, 10/27/06
A few birds twittered in the trees as two figures made their way down a winding, graveled path. One was a little girl, who was skipping merrily along, and the other, walking only a bit more sedately, was her mother. They were the perfect picture of wordless love and friendship-absorbed in a delight that was too big for mere words.
Seated together on a bench that was tucked away in their backyard garden were a mother and daughter, absorbed in conversation. The daughter had begun with much hesitation and an inward struggle, but by the time she and her mother left, arm in arm, she was beaming with joy and a newfound freedom and purpose. It is one of the paradoxes of life-confession brings closeness and confidence. "Oh mother, it was so hard to confess-but I have such relief now!" she breathed. "I feel as if a great weight was lifted off my shoulders."
What is so vitally important about an open, loving, "best-friend" relationship between mothers and daughters?
In our culture, there is a major breakdown in relationships. People do not cherish the ones God has placed around them. Instead, they refuse the long, hard, character-building process necessary in order to love and enjoy the friendship of their family members, and instead turn elsewhere for a "fast-food" version of fulfillment of their God-given desires and needs.
I know from my own experience, and from talking to many other girls, that a close mother/daughter relationship does not just "happen." It must be cultivated daily. A daughter must be willing to forsake her pride and draw close to her mother by confiding her temptations and struggles, discussing all sorts of issues, and making a conscious effort of her will to delight in and look up to her mother. This will be hard-but the some of the best things come through patient struggles and time investment.
In my own life, I have found that confessing thought struggles and temptations to my mother are "giants"-but whenever I have asked God to give me the strength to tell them to my mother, He has been faithful to give me the needed "will power." It is impossible to explain the freedom, understanding, and close-knit joy I have experienced whenever I have taken my struggles to my mother and sought her insight and wisdom. It is always an indescribable blessing!
Even in little things, seeking and asking your mother's advice and trying to follow it builds the mother and daughter bond. Your mother has gone through many of the same struggles you have, and she will have a wealth of wisdom to share. I have often gained deeper insight and guidance for situations by discussing them with my mother and asking, "What do you think I should do?" or "How should I respond in this certain situation?" Sharing and talking about small issues as well as big ones will help your mother become your best friend.
Something my own mother suggested may seem like a small thing, but it will really draw you closer together. Be eager to spend time with your mother! If she's going to take a walk or run some errands and asks if anyone is interested in going, eagerly jump on the chance to be with her. When she senses your delight in spending time with her, it will really boost your relationship. Not only does it make her feel special and important (and she is!), it will help you, as well. When we make an effort with our will to delight in our mothers, our emotions will follow, and we will begin to delight in them!
The story of Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi is a positive example of the relationship that mothers and daughters should have. Ruth not only dearly loved Naomi and esteemed her highly, but she looked to her for counsel, and willingly followed her advice. The below verses show the tender, loving relationship between them:
"And Naomi said unto her two daughters in law, Go, return each to her mother's house: the LORD deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me. …Then she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice, and wept. …And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me." (Ruth 1:8-9, 16-17)
The road ahead may be a hard one, as you strive to build a deeper mother/daughter relationship, but it will be worth it! My dear mother has become a best friend to me, and I wouldn't trade her relationship for any amount of outside friends!
