by Elisha Ann Wahlquist
Recently, a young man told my mother, "I am amazed at you, Mrs. Wahlquist." I must wholeheartedly agree! My mother is an amazing woman. Her delight in making my father's goals into realities, her cheerfulness amid many trials, and her wide fields of interest are just a few examples. Somehow, she finds time to invest in each one of her eight children and be interested in each one of their many projects. Many days, she will go from intensively editing a book an older child is preparing for publication, to listening to a half-hour explanation from a nine-year-old about how his electric scooter works.
I would like to focus on just one facet of her character today, one that has stood out to me recently. It is her unswerving carefulness to care for our younger children. At the date of this writing (May 2008), Mom has eight children, ages 21 to 2. Families with older children can often get caught up with the bigger projects and events of the older ones. When that happens, the littler children get dragged around everywhere, at all hours, missing naptimes, and often feeling disconnected from order, schedule, and normalcy.
Is this such a big deal? Yes. It is important that little children feel safe and not be just rushed around to lots of new places. There should be a place-home-where they feel connected, secure, and have a routine. Little ones, especially, need structure and balance. They should not feel constantly uprooted.
Noting this, Mom has been very careful not to commit to too many events or get involved with crazy projects. We all try to be together and go together to as many places as possible, but sometimes that is not possible. Most of the time, Mom has sacrificially stayed home with the younger children while older ones attended late-night or long events. She knew that it would mess up the little one's schedules, and her children were more important than the outing.
Another facet of this is how Mom is careful not to just have her older children care for the younger ones, but she is involved in their care and is there for them when they need help. I remember a time recently, where we were deciding who would take the four piano students to their lessons. It is an all-morning affair. We only had a car, so not everyone could go. I offered to stay home with 2-year-old Stephen, so Mom could go to the lessons. I won't forget her answer. "Elisha," she said, "I hate to leave him without Mommy all day. I know you would do a fantastic job, but I want him to feel connected, and not 'left' by his mommy." While us older children stay home with the little ones on occasion while Mom goes somewhere, our younger children know that Mom is different than just another older sibling. That is important.
All this does not mean that we shouldn't take on big projects, or ever go to events that mess up our schedule! It is merely a helpful principle to keep in mind. For example, last month my family attended a special conference. Our normal schedule was turned topsy-turvy for the five-day trip-regular naps and proper bedtimes went out the window-but the occasion was well worth the disruption. As another illustration, my family is beginning to finish the building process of a house on our property. The weekends have become different, as the older ones and Dad head out to the land to work. But Mom, while bringing the little ones over sometimes, will also be staying home a lot, keeping the house and maintaining a normal schedule for the younger children.
An added benefit is that when little ones are "trained" by home-focus that home is a special, wonderful, peaceful place to be, they will be more connected and stable when they move out to start their own homes. It will be the vibrant center of their interaction, instead of just a hotel to "crash" in. As a nineteenth-century writer once said, "The home rules the nation." What our home is like will be what we mold our nation to be like. Let's each strive to be the best homemakers, mothers, wives, daughters, and sisters we can be! We have an eternal impact on those God has committed to our care.
The following feedback we received on this article was very insightful:
"…I just wanted to send you a quick note and let you know how much I appreciate and enjoy your articles! I don't spend a lot of time on the internet, but I do enjoy looking at your family website from time to time. Your most recent article was so well-written and oh, so true! We often notice that the younger children in large families are pushed to the background, especially in the area of schooling. When the focus is on the older childrens' activities and projects the younger ones are pushed aside, and many times they may be 8 or 10 years old and not even know how to read. Of course, you can also get out of balance by focussing on the younger ones only, and leaving the older ones to themselves too much for their own good. The key to a proper balance is doing things as a family as much as you can. It is sad to see some large families who really seem like two families - the older children are off doing one thing, and the younger ones doing another. That isn't to say that every activity must be done as a family, but it is good if the majority can be." -Sarah Smith
