by Janet Wahlquist
This month, I want to recommend a very good article from LAF, The Me-Time Myth. It is an excellent debunking of a common "concern" that a "stay-at-home" mom (guardian of the home, Titus 2:5) needs to have special time for just herself. This implies that, without deliberate, nurturing of her own self, she can't function or fulfill her responsibilities. Self, self self. Where does Jesus' example fit into this? Are we not rather to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him? ( Mt 16:24, Phil 2:1-16). It amazes me that what seems like such helpful advice: "Take a break, so that you can be a better parent," can really undermine one's morale, create selfishness and discontent, and in the long run, make one a less joyful mother of children (Ps. 113:9). The reason this happens is that the idea behind the advice is contrary to God's wisdom. Here is the paradox: In losing ourselves, in pouring ourselves out for others, true fulfillment and joy spring forth. As soon as we begin to grab time, special treatment, etc., for ourselves, things begin coming up empty.
Rather than taking time for self, we mothers need to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ and not be taken in by the world's perspective. We should carefully examine whether we are training our children so that they are a joy to be around, and that our home is well-managed. However, seeking to fill that empty spot, or taking a break to be refueled are both strategies which implode. Cheerfully, prayerfully doing the duty itself will bring refreshment and recharge. God will provide quiet times, breaks, "vacations", with His perfect timing and technique. When we demand them, they become empty idols. Establishing time for personal devotions and Scripture reading is in a different category from "Me time." We are commanded to seek the Lord (Ps 27:8, Ps. 105:4). "But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42) However, even this time must be flexible. Our Lord's example again is convicting. He met people's needs. He poured His life out for the multitudes of hungry followers (Matt 19:2, Luke 9:10-13, Matt 8). "Me Time" masquerades as the way to be a better mom. Yet, under the mask is selfishness, and the idea that being a mom is so hard that frequent breaks and special pampering is the only way to survive..
My daughter and I were at a store recently, when an irritating crying began in the next aisle. It continued so long that it began to grate. It was a doll that wouldn't turn off. As we rounded the corner, there was a mother and teenage daughter trying to change this plastic baby doll's diaper, wipes strewn about, clothes and diapers cascading into their basket. Finally, they succeeded and the squalling ceased. They smiled at us sheepishly and mumbled "school assignment." Telling mothers that they can't possibly handle the demands of motherhood without special pampering reminds me of handing 13-year-olds plastic, screaming dolls to take care of. The idea implanted in our minds in both cases is of drudgery-duty dragging us down into the dumps. A real, live baby is a joy and a blessing to take care of. The precious diaper changes, fat little legs kicking, feeding time, the coos and gurgles, the first time they respond with a smile, that little hand around one's neck, the first "Mama", all this can not compare for a moment with a rigid, rubber doll wired to go off at awkward intervals.. The school assignment gives only the "down-side" of the process, only the rigors with none of the rewards. With every duty there is such privilege, delight, and a well-spring of joy to be discovered. When we live life "all there" as Jim Elliot says, when we delight in our God-given duties and thank Him for the difficult times, we are on the road to refreshment and will see unexpected miracles in everyday routines.
"…for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength." (Neh. 8:10)
