by Janet Wahlquist
I am reaping the benefits of some wonderful advice I received as a young mother of little children. I was told, "Stay at home, be a mother, and watch your children- all the time." The first two bits of counsel I had been convicted about already and was trying to put into practice, but the third? Hmmm, it seemed a little unreasonable to me at the time. My mom had not supervised us all the time and we grew up pretty well. Yes, I did recall the many, painful scrapes and naughtiness we had gotten into as a result of being by ourselves. Sure, but that's part of a normal growing up process, isn't it? The scripture that went with this advice convinced me to at least try to some extent to be with my children around the clock.. Pr 29:15 ¶ The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. What struck me was that I could not use the rod wisely and in a timely manner if I was not around to see what was going on. Attitudes and behaviors, I began to realize, need to be dealt with when small, or they take root and become very difficult to weed out. So, I began my vigil. I would like to say that I was always there at the right moment, but I surely missed some important discipleship opportunities when I relaxed my watchful care. I will also say that I had to often sacrifice other activities and fun so that I could be there for my children. But now looking back, it was so worth it, so confirming to my spirit when I did choose to stand firm in my resolve to guard and guide them. The fruit is good!
The verses which cemented my conviction to be watchful are these: Pr 22:15 ¶ Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. The foolishness which can come out at any time will not be dealt with, if a parent is not there to deal with it. Often, if one hears of some issue later, the exact causes and attitudes can't be discerned completely. The rod may be misapplied or neglected. This word, foolishness does not mean comic relief. This fool is defined as: "unreasonable, to be fat, to be sluggish, thick, dull, or obstinate, insolent." The word denotes someone who has a bent for making wrong choices. This kind of foolishness is bound in the heart of every child. Pr 28:26 ¶ He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered. When children are left to set their own agenda and direct their own way, even for short periods of time, they make their own judgment calls and follow their own impulses. They become set in a stubborn, strong-willed pattern, and are trained to trust in their own heart. They become a confirmed fool. Pr 12:15 ¶ The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. .Here again, he learns to trust in himself and his way of viewing the issues. Remember the definition of this type of fool, insolent, unreasonable, obstinate. Pr 27:22 ¶ Though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him. We do not want our children to become set in the ways of a fool. It will become more and more difficult to weed out foolishness.
It may still seem unreasonable to constantly watch our children. I love the Bradricks' insight into parenting. They highlight that, as parents, we are to follow our heavenly Father's example. One attribute of God is omnipresence. He is always watching. Pr 5:21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. This understanding is the basis for the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. If we can model this for our children, however imperfectly, they will pick up early the sense that someone is always watching, guarding and guiding them.. They will develop a healthy fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Wisdom is the opposite of foolishness. Ec 4:13 ¶ Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished. Jesus, as God's Son, had the constant presence of His Father. Joh 16:32 Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me. Joh 8:29 And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone;.
Here is a little picture of how I attempted to supervise the children when all were relatively small. Except for brief periods such as their Hour Time, when they played alone in their room 9separated from other siblings) within specific parameters, I kept them in view at all times. I had the advantage of sending them out to play in the backyard while I cooked. They were in full view from the kitchen windows and I would listen and glance out often (in CA where the windows were open all year). I might clean the living room while they did playdough at the kitchen table, where I could still see and hear them. We did lots of things together. This does not mean that I never left the room to get something from somewhere else. I actually found that the more diligent I was in supervision, the more trustworthy they were when left for brief periods. I took it upon myself to watch them not just have them near. "What were they doing? Does he have the right attitude? Was that statement kind?" This way, I could jump in at any moment and correct , teach, or discipline them. I regret the times of inattention or laziness, and especially when I unwisely sent them off to something. I invariably afterwards found out the damage that had been done, or the assault which occurred on all we had been training for. Once, we were asked to paint a mural for a church function. The children were to play in the next room with a teacher. I found out later that they showed a movie which I had never wanted them to see. At a little girl's party for 3 and 4 year olds, some of the girls started a séance! I could list many other examples of times when I gave in to convenience, pressure, or just convention (this is how it is done here). I quickly learned to "just say 'no'". It was interesting to note how they seemed hardened to my influence and more rebellious or uppity, even after a few hours away. Pr 15:5 ¶ A fool despiseth his father's instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.
Supervision is doubly important when other children are involved. When we played in the front yard, all the children of the neighborhood came flocking. As the children grew older, I was sometimes tempted to run inside to complete some project or finish cooking. Instead we all went in. I only allowed other children to play indoors with ours, if I was sure I would devote that time to watching them, and not to doing other activities. Recently, a family told me that even within the immediate family, they have a rule: "The door stays open when you are playing in any room." So even care must be given with brothers and sisters playing together. Why is this? . Pr 29:16 ¶ When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: Increaseth is the same word as multiplied. The "wicked" is one who is ungodly, guilty, one that does wrong. The point is that children tend to do wrong, not right. When they get together, they naturally tend to foolishness. The danger of some form of wickedness occurring is multiplied (not just added to). As children begin to show that they are wise, that they can be trusted consistently, they can be given responsibilities. They may be sent on errands in the house, work on a project by themselves, or even to watch younger children. The ideal is still to have the mother as the main supervisor and guide. The parents have been given the duty of raising the children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, not the siblings of the younger children. Even older, wiser children will develop independent attitudes or areas of sinful activities without proper monitoring and involvement by the parents..
In summary, the more we model our heavenly Father, guiding, guarding, discipling, and nurturing the children under our care, the greater they will grow in wisdom and the sooner they will be wise children who can be trusted. Character is built through daily training. The fruit of godly children will be worth any short-term inconvenience and sacrifice on our part Pr 23:15 My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine.
Other references using the same Hebrew word, "Fool" are: Pr 1:32, Pr 8:5, Pr 10:18, Pr. 10:23, Pr 12:23, Pr 13:19-20, Pr 14:8-9, 16, 33, Pr 15:14, 20, Pr 17:12, 24-25, Pr 18:6-7, Pr 19:1, 29, Pr 21:20, Pr 23:9, Pr De 31:8 And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed. 26:9. Pr 26:3. Pr 26:9, Pr 29:11
