by Janet Wahlquist
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)
This month we will be looking at a practical aspect of wrong attitudes. The world system would like everyone to forget that we all are responsible for our moods, feelings, and motives. Christian parents generally hold their children accountable for their behavior, but may tend to ignore its root, its source-the heart. The Beatitudes focus on attitudes which will bring great blessing. Foolish evil from heart attitudes will also reap consequences. By disciplining for attitude instead of action alone, we help our children to develop the character of Christ. Jesus said, "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile a man." See also James 4:1, I Samuel 16:7 and Matt. 7:18. A study of references to "heart" in the Bible confirms its importance.
Leaving heart attitudes alone, even though they seem small, is unwise. "Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes." (Song of Solomon 2:15). Sometimes in the bustle of the day we mothers forget to catch the burst of selfish demanding (in ourselves or in the children), the petty arguing, and little wrong attitudes which crop up and then seem to build. It takes time and energy to stop and trap these foxes, but the fruit of our labor will be marred if we do not do so. "Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour, so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour." (Eccles. 10:1). Flies are small, but left in the perfume, they will certainly spoil it. Often a parent will overlook an attitude but it doesn't go away, it just begins to rot and infect the child more strongly. Maybe there is outward obedience (the ointment still looks like ointment), but the inner sinful state is going to begin to smell after a while.
Our child's character springs from his inner man. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…" (Prov. 23:7). Prov. 22:11, Psa 37:11, and many other scriptures speak of the importance of character qualities. Sinful motives left to grow will stain a good name and the name of Christ. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" - Proverbs 13:14. .This is extremely convicting for me. As God continues to reveal areas of sin and strongholds in my life and in my children's lives, I am forced to cry out to Him for strength and to yield up my demands and selfishness. In our home recently we have been seeing the bad fruit of not stopping to weed out wrong attitudes. Instead we were forging ahead with our daily tasks and projects. The thought was, "As long as everyone is still doing what is right (eventually), we're still on the right track." I have found myself making excuses for the wrong attitudes and reactions: "They're just tired, today…Who wouldn't snap back when attacked…Is he getting sick?" etc. This does the child a disfavor because it shifts the blame to something else. They are not held responsible for their own attitude. I have been reminding and reminding them, but that has not effected a heart change. "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." - Proverbs 29:15. The rod drives foolishness out, not the reproof alone (Proverbs 9:8, 10:13, 15:12, & 18:25).
An example of how this works is embedded in the simple admonition given to me years ago by a godly mother. "Obedience is quick, cheerful, no answers back, and thorough." What is this adage checking for? Attitude! If a child grumbles, pouts, or complains, he is not manifesting the spirit of obedience. If he is slow to do the task, he may be saying that he is "sitting down but standing up on the inside." If details are done shoddily, again it may reveal an all important heart issue. This wise lady used the rod of correction whenever these requirements of obedience were not met. What about strife? "Only by pride cometh contention." Someone in the argument (and probably both) is prideful and demanding his own way. Anger when things go wrong is another instance of selfishness revealed. "The rod and reproof give wisdom". Loving discipline administered promptly is an amazing antidote to root out sin. In addition, a scripture verse which cuts to the "heart" of the matter can be helpful, given as gentle "reproof" or assigned as memory/meditation work during the week. "For the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the heart." Hebrews 4:12.
"Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." (Proverbs 20:5). We must strive to be mothers who draw out what is in our children's hearts, and guard them from defiling attitudes. "Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
