I would like to share some insights on building Loyalty in our children from an excellent mother of 14. As she and her husband studied Romans Chapter 1:8-115, they saw Paul as an example of Loyalty, and of being a true friend. What does a loyal person do?
He thanks God for his friends (brothers and sisters).
He makes mention of them before God and prays for them.
He longs to fellowship with them in order to impart a spiritual blessing, i.e. it is for their good that he desires their fellowship.
How can we foster this wonderful quality in our family? Here is what we have seen at the Wahlquist house. There are many helps to encourage the quality of loyalty, yet one simple yet costly thing is essential. Time. Spending time with our children, especially as an entire family, is extremely important to foster loyalty in them. If we are determined to choose activities to do together, and to not get involved in things which divide us, we will be building loyalty. BEING a family is the key. Take trips together. Do chores, play games. Buy toys which draw the children together into projects instead of cloistering them away by themselves. A small house with less rooms or less room is a plus. As each opportunity arises, ask: "Will this encourage family unity, or pull us apart?" Every time we choose to be together, or help our children to choose to invest in each other, we are sowing seeds of loyalty.
One thing the world pushes is "quality time". This is their anecdote for all crumbling relationships. I believe that quality time often degenerates into spoiling a child for an hour on Thursday night and pushing him off on others the rest of the week. Intense focus to make a small amount of time really special seems to create a schizophrenic relationship with the child. Usually, it means doing super-fun, hyper-entertainment together, often with the adult feeling like they must act like a child themselves, and letting the child do what they want and possibly get what they want. It also exhausts the parent making them feel they need a break from parenting. The pressure of this "quality time" myth creates the idea that this better be fantastic fun, or we have failed as parents. I propose that if one is relying on quality time to succeed as a parent then one has already failed. It is "quality" quantity time which will win loyalty in our children. But this quantity time does not resemble the forced intense episodes of over-indulging a little one.
There is a time for individual time with each child, but God places the solitary in families. Relax and enjoy lots and lots of time, lots of activities, lots of relationship with the whole family God has given you. When someone has an interest, involve everyone in supporting, learning about and enjoying it. The disciples (not just the twelve) were with Jesus day and night for 3 years. Deuteronomy 6 speaks of instructing your children when you rise up, when you walk by the way and when you sit in your house, and when you lie down. It takes being there to build love and loyalty and relationship skills.
"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron's beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments; As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the Lord commanded the blessing, even life for evermore." Psalm 133
Don't be afraid to pour out a sacrifice of time. Time is expensive. It is costly. Lavish it on your family, and enjoy the beautiful unity and loyalty which is precious to God.
Copyright 2011 All Rights Reserved, Ron Wahlquist. All the articles on this website are the sole property of the writers, so we ask you not to use them without asking their permission.
