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by James Spangler

Here is a composite summary of what a patriarch should look like:

First of all, a biblical patriarch, whom we will call a father, is one who is a Christian. He loves God with all his heart, soul, and mind, and he loves other people. It is his desire to serve God with all his heart. The defining activity of his life is knowing God's Word.

This man has been given a helper, who is the apple of his eye, the most precious possession he has on this earth. If God has decreed, he also has been blessed with children, in whom he delights. He desires children, as many as God will give him, something known as Divine Family Planning. He has the goal of believing grandchildren and great grandchildren.

This father is concerned about obedience. His desire is to obey God promptly, precisely, and no matter what the cost. He also requires and exhorts his wife and children to obey God in the same way.

This father takes seriously the two great relationships that God has decreed, the husband-wife relationship, and the parent-child relationship. He has the heart of his wife and children. He is aware of his wife's desires and dreams, and makes an effort to fulfill them. He protects his family from harm and from those things that would draw them into sin. He is the guardian or keeper of their souls. He is patient with the failings of his family and prays that they will have patience with him when he fails. He knows each child intimately, has a personal relationship with each one, and is guiding each step of their lives. By demonstrating his love for his wife, this father instills in each child an abiding and deep love for their mother. They demonstrate this love by their actions and manners. This father spends time with his wife, giving her the best of his time and effort in order to disciple her and meet her needs.

This father is concerned with the spiritual well-being of each family member and member of his local church, as well as friends. He genuinely wants to see each one grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord.

This father's home is a peaceful home. When strife breaks out, he is the one who takes the initiative and handles the strife and leads others to a peaceful resolution. He does this, not as an authoritative dictator, but as a humble servant. This father is a just father, not harshly administering punishments and consequences, but lovingly disciplining as God disciplines him.

This father takes responsibility for the education and training of his family. He does not send his children to be educated at the feet of Canaanite teachers in peer dependent environments. He takes great effort to educate his children within his home, and does not use peer dependent classrooms that weaken parental and family bonds. Instead he has an educational plan in place, and he enables his wife and family to administer and achieve it.

This father is a joy to be with; his children love to spend time with him in many pursuits. He sets aside time for refreshment and celebration in a family context. He rejects the entertainment mindset of the day and ensures that even leisure time has focus, purpose, and is spiritually refreshing.

This father grieves when family and others fall into sin. He takes the responsibility and initiative to try and restore that one to full and complete fellowship both in the immediate family and the family of God.

This father honors his parents and the parents of his wife. He goes out of his way to show respect and reverence for his elders. He models and teaches his children to honor their mother and grandparents.

This father protects his family from sinful influences, and is careful about what comes into the home and where the family ventures out of the home. He is concerned, not only with impure influences from things but from people. He recognizes that reading material, auditory and visual resources, and entertainment mediums become companions to his children when they partake of them.

This father has a plan for himself and each family member, as the home is directed toward the purpose for which God has ordained. He has a vision for the future and is putting into place those things to achieve it. He has planned the steps for each son and daughter from cradle until marriage, and is leading each one in that path with the Scriptures as a guide. He recognizes that sons need certain things in place before they are ready to lead a household. They need direction, they need to be spiritual leaders, they need to be willing to protect the home, have godly children, and provide for them and their wives. In his guidance of his sons the father needs to evaluate them carefully and completely to determine if those sons are truly committed to Jesus Christ, are they under authority, do they have sound character, do they have God-given purpose in life, and will being equally yoked to a helpmeet enable them to achieve this purpose. In the guidance of daughters the father will make some key commitments to them. He will pray faithfully for them and walk beside them. He will make efforts to provide godly opportunities designed to encourage their success as virtuous, godly women. He will relentlessly protect them, provide for them, and proclaim God's truth to them. He will help them understand love, help them understand that they are special, help them understand that there is hope for their future, and help them understand that he is their knight in shining armor.

This father loves to extend hospitality to the saints, and engages every family member in the pursuit of that biblical command.

This father believes that the worship of God is the highest occupation for the believer. This worship begins with his own personal worship time and the personal worship time of each family member, and he puts into place a plan so that each member of the family has time for Bible reading, praise, and prayer. He believes that the most important duty of the household is to gather together morning and evening and worship the Lord together. He takes the responsibility of leading this worship upon himself and uses this to train his sons and daughters in the proper and most holy worship of God; a training that they will take into corporate church life and eventually into their own families.

What do you think about this patriarch?

If you think you are already doing all these things and doing them well, or that you have achieved these to a satisfactory level, you should think again. You may be blinded by pride.

If you think you can't do this so why even try and you don't try, you are influenced by defeatism.

If you think that these specifics don't really matter and there are many ways to lead and raise a family then you may influenced by pragmatism or worldliness.

What you should think is that from the bottom of your heart you wish to be doing these things, but it is utter impossible to achieve them and you therefore cast yourself, and your desires, with a repentant and humble heart at the mercy of Almighty God.

May it be so in your life and mine.

Heb 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

James Spangler is a loving husband, and father of seven children. These are the concluding remarks to a message he delivered at Waco, TX on February 19, 2006, for the combined worship services of Sovereign Grace Family Church and North Gabriel Christian Assembly. His website is www.familybuildingworkshop.com.